Panda Powers Activate!

My sewing machine appears to be busted.  This angers me greatly, as it was a present from my mom for my birthday mid June.

I was happily sewing the hem on what is to become my curtains, nothing fancy or complicated.  I'm sewing along, and notice my threads coming loose, because the bobbin had run out and I hadn't noticed.  So I stop, and wind a new one, and am going through re threading my machine, when it just locks up.  The hand pedal won't turn, everything's locked up.  And I checked, it's not stuck on anything, because I took everything out, even took the little brush to wipe away the linty stuff.  And nobody who has a sewing machine seems to know anything.  I guess I have to take it in, and I have no idea how much that would cost, or if it absolutely has to be a Singer repair shop so it doesn't void my warranty or anything, or if I can take it to any sewing machine repair shop.  Because I want this back ASAP.  Want to finish my curtains, because I don't have any, and then try and make some Dethplushes.

Saturday was my older brother's birthday, and for a change, my dad came to dinner with us today (brought his wife and her kids, who totally weren't invited, but oh well) and he bought everybody dinner.  I guess everything was going okay, when I was chewing my salad, and all of a sudden I feel something weird in my mouth.....Apparently one of the balls on my tongue ring came loose.  I didn't swallow it or anything bad like that, but I had to take them out of my mouth at the table, in front of my dad, who I don't think had even seen it in yet.  Not exactly helping me win any arguements if he should try and press how stupid or not safe it is.  My mouth felt so weird without it, and it took a bit to get the damn thing back in, river of drool was running out of my mouth it took so long.

I wanna draw something, I should draw something, but I'm sleepy, and lazy, and it's hot, blah.

@_@

So haven't been feeling well.  For like a week not.  I seriously have no idea wtf is wrong with me.  All I know is that I keep getting a coming and going fever, my eyes are killing me when I blink or with intense light, I puke up half of what I eat, and my brain is operating very very sluggishly. 

Which of course sucks since me and Jade/knives are trying to get our FYR follow up story rolling.  It's really hard for me to think.  This one is going to take a hell of a lot more elaborate planning and we've kind of got a set structure to stick to, and a lot of the more introductory parts I guess is the best word for it, is mostly between the characters I play, so I'm basically talking to myself at length, and that's kind of hard.  I type up what I can, when I'm awake, and can stand to do so, so I'll at least have something to bring to the table when I'm able to get back on YIM without having to run to the other room to vomit out my innards constantly.

What little energy I've got, gets sapped from work, and I already know this work week is going to be very hard on me, since I'm working all shifts in one week, and only two days off.  I essentially come home and slip into a coma until the alarm goes off the next day.  I will be very very glad when the 29th rolls around, gonna have 3 days off in a row, probably going to sleep for half of that, I really hope I'm better by then, because this is very unfair to do to Jade.

The panda is normally not one for doing tag posts unless she is specifically tagged, because she doesn't wish to clutter peoples inboxes with her junk, but I's bored, so I swiped this from tod_hollykim

I AM: a panda, disguised as a lady with bad eyesight
I WANT: the motivation to write/draw/make the ideas that have been in my brain lately
I WISH: I could draw well without reference, and pull original ideas out better
I HATE:  people, they're jerks, cutting down my home, stealing my bamboo, sticking me in zoos, I outta maul yous
I MISS:  MacGuyver and Murder, She Wrote, those were fun times
I FEAR: things jumping out at me, the cruelty of people
I HEAR: birds chirping, me slurping my slushie, the panda loves her slushies, yes she does
I WONDER: why I'm currently eating all this food out of spite, I should have just told the bf he was right I couldn't eat all of it
I REGRET: that I stopped playing the guitar the first time, because now I forgot how to play it, and can't get it back, and that I once told my sister I was so miserable I wished I was dead *grumbles, stupid sister*
I AM NOT: talented, I just do a grand imitation of it
I DANCE: like I'm having a seizure
I SING: to the radio or karaoke, because that's the only time it sounds any good
I CRY: when people hurt animals, when my bf yells at me and won't take that I'm sorry for an answer
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a panda, sometimes I'm a kitty
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: cross stitch, drawings, paintings, sewing, wood carvings, clay things goes in phases really
I WRITE: Dethsmut, though back in the day I wrote some OC work.....and shamefully wrote a HP fanfiction in highschool
I CONFUSE: easily, and other people, because I mumble
I NEED: to stop eating these damn fries, they're cold and my tummy isn't liking it
I SHOULD: do something with my day off besides lying around like a beach sea panda
I START: like 20% of the things I think up
I FINISH: like 5% of that, usually by force, because I tend to get stuck and lose interest
I LOVE: puppies
I REMEMBER: menial crap, never the important shit schools quiz you on.


One of these days I'm gonna repost my rps and drabbles here, re edit the older ones, but I still lack motivation for it. blarg.

I dunno what's up with me lately, but I've been feeling really run down and depressed the past few days.  My brain and hands won't cooperate together, so I can't draw the things that are bouncing around up there.

Maybe its because my birthday is coming up, and at 22 I will have accomplished nothing of any real importance.  And for some reason I feel old, and wonder what my relationship with my bf is like compared to what it was when I first met him 10 years ago.  A lots changed over those years, I'm highly doubt I even resemble the 12 year old girl he met and secretly fell in love with.  I have never understood what he could ever see in me.  I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, my weight isn't in per portion to my height, what is it?  What does he see that makes him love me no matter what?  I ask him these things, and he never has an answer other than 'I just do'.  *head desk* what a crappy day today's been, not how I wanted to spend my day off.

The whole explanation of this thing is too big to post, seriously, livejournal says it's over 2000 characters too big, and I can't be brief because it would take away from the drama.

Okay, first off, I didn't really want to see them in the first place.  They're okay, but they only have 3 albums, and I saw them at a Christmas concert in Detroit with some other bands in December.  There's just other bands I'd rather see.  But Shawn really really really wanted to go see them, because they play the entire Black Parade album before doing the rest of their songs, and tickets were only $30 which is cheap for such a big name band.  But, we were both unemployed at the time, so neither of us could afford it, so I asked my dad to buy our tickets as an early birthday present for me, which made me a little sad because it meant that I couldn't ask for copic markers now.  But it made Shawn happy, so it was worth it.

So we're supposed to see them in Columbus with some friends of ours on May 1st, and we were going to leave at 2 because our friend wanted to get some 'real pizza' and visit his mom, and Columbus is a 2 hour drive from BG.  But Shawn moved the alarm from 10 to noon, and I was so pissed when I woke up because now I wasn't going to be able to do all the things I wanted to before we left.  So I'm running around trying to get things done when I get an email from Ticketmaster saying that it's been postponed for the 2nd.  So we all have to rearrange our schedules to do it the next day instead.

So when I wake up the next day, I'm constantly checking my email, MCR's website, and Ticketmasters to see if they said if they still had food poisoning (so many of them crew and opening band Muse included that they had to go to 3 separate hospitals for all of them), but nothing, as far as we could tell, everything was going as planned.  Now my car is an 88 Marquis, sucker is massive on both ends, it's a damn boat, but it has a radio and ac and far better gas mileage than anyone elses car, but I am deemed a bad driver, but really that deer attacked ME, wasn't my fault, and Columbus traffic is said to be really bad, so Shawn drove.  So we get there, and we eat our 'real pizza' and I pay $7 to park my car and we walk to the arena doors, and theres a guy there saying 'nope it's tomorrow now'.  I was so damn mad, because gas is $3 and our friends can't get off work AGAIN, but we spent some time with our friends mom and played some Munchkin Fu before we drove back home, my car barely made it there and back.  And Ticketmaster sent me an email saying it was postponed, but they sent it at 6:30, when the concert was supposed to start at 7.  That was the first day moody Nathan showed up.

So now it's the 3rd, and we were going to take my 15 year old stepbrother and his mom with us, and we were going to drive my car again, because we had to pick him up from school and drive back to BG where his mom would meet us after work and we'd drive from there.  So we do the whole crazy email checking and even called this number they gave us, said they'd know by noon if it was still on.  So I am literally sitting in my car making sure I have everything while Shawn searches for his PSP and...car won't start.  Won't make any noise, won't turn over, nothing.  And just then Shawn comes out and says that it's canceled.  So I am now sitting in my dead car, head on the steering wheel, crying in my apartment complex parking lot in the middle of the day, sobbing out how I hate MCR and how I hope they feel as miserable with their food poisoning as I do right now.

So then I had to wait for my stepmom to get off work, have her attempt to try and figure out what's wrong with my beloved boat Ta-kun, then call AAA (I hate making 'official' phone calls so damn much), and have them tell me my battery is dead.  Not because Shawn left the lights on or anything, it's just dead, deader than hell, because it was so old, Andersons made it, and they don't make car batteries anymore.  So after I install my new battery like it's a snake ready to lunge at me any second, my stepmom says we should go for a drive, charge the battery, put a couple bucks in the tank, and low and behold, oil light comes on, so now I have to go buy oil at the food libraries because I needed milk for Shawn's cereal for the morning, and THEN my front right tire popped.  AAA came out AGAIN, took the spare from my trunk changed it, and then waltzed off with my security bolt for my tire.  Moody Nathan day 2.

Seriously the only good thing about the 3rd was my humorous case of the 'demonic burps' that kept spontaneously happening when I was trying to talk from all the Sprite Shawn was shoving at me to keep me from breaking into another crazy fit.

Imma heading to Columbus tomorrow, gonna see me some My Chemical Romance.

I should be excited.  But I'm very 'meh' about the whole thing.  Really I'm only going because the bf really wants to.  He's very excited at the prospect of them playing the entire Black Parade album, and that tickets were cheap.  Cheap, but still too expensive for the unemployed, which is both of us.  Well it was at the time, he's got a job now, I still don't.  Since my birthday is in June, I asked my dad if he could buy the tickets as an early birthday present, which he agreed to. (not really how I wanted my 22nd birthday to go, but I hope that the concert will cheer my bf up from his serious case of the grumps he's had lately).
I bought 2 extras because we're taking our friends Jason and Missy with us (they paid me back).  And we're gonna crash at Jasons moms house after the concert, so I don't have to try and find my way back from Columbus in the dark.

The prospect of driving Ta-kun all the way to Columbus frightens me.  Jason tells me it's a 2 hour drive, and the traffic, I don't do well under pressure.  And I'm sure the bf is gonna go on about how I'm gonna get us killed.  Come to think of it, I've never had 4 people in my car at once before, just one. O_O, oh shit.

And now, since I'm clearing my memory cards for the concert tomorrow, some Animarathon photos:
Tis my friend Kyle who lives across the way from me, hosting the Cosplay competition as Faust (minus the paper bag on his head)


Some ladies dressed as Riku and Sora, they limbo'd under Sora's keyblade for our amusement.  I saw 3 Soras there, 2 of them were girls.  And some random costumers


Bwahaha - look at all the losers off to the side


Winners of random stuff - the 2 ladies on the end held the cosplay panel, I went to both because.. well because.  I saw that guy in the Mega Man costume in the parking lot, poor guy really had a hard time walking.  The little kid dressed at Aang won first place, because he's a damn kid and everybody 'awww'd over him.....I hate that kid, that Kakashi is way better than his stupid costume his mommy made for him.


This chick won the fan service award for her Black Mage Rikku from FFX2


Let me state now for the record - I don't really like Naruto all that much.  I like One Piece way better and it pisses me off that there's a shit ton more Naruto stuff over here and that it's more popular because it didn't get itself raped by 4kids.  But I have always liked Kakashi, that ninja is the shit, I have no idea who that guy next to him is though.




And finally obligatory meme picture time


I see this picture, and I think Snakes and Barrels Pickles, as a kitten.  I think I has a Metalocalypse problem.

I admit it, I'm a great big weeny .

One day I'll be all 'ooooo I can get a tattoo no problem, doesn't hurt one bit! Pain doesn't bother me at all!'
Then the next day I'll wake up with a throbbing headache, a wicked cold (thanks a lot you germ infested con goers!), and just for laughs, bleeding like a sieve and painful cramps, (and buying something to relieve the pain isn't really an option when I don't have a job, I have to budget carefully until I have a new one) and then I'm all 'owies, I am filled with teh pains, I'm not getting out of bed, I'm sleeping all day, and could somebody bring me a sammich?'. Oh the grand bearer of pain that I am.

Most hilarious thing EVER!!


Still don't know what that guy says in place of 'then we will fight in the shade', but I get the giggles when I think of that high pitched 'this is delicious!'

Happy Fucking Easter peoples *shoves some Cadbury eggs in her mouth*.

Stuff that's going on:
Saw Blades of Glory - it's hilarious, and gay, hilariously gay, slash for this movie is not required because its practically already that gay.
My mom asked me to draw a picture for my grandmother, of the cemetery my grandfather is buried in, I've been drawing that annoying piece of crap for like a week, I hate it, but if its what the old bitch wants, fine.  Now that I've got done all I'm gonna do without the green light, I can finally draw stuff that I want to again.
My mom is in town from the 7th to the 15th.  Oh joy of joys.  At least shes staying with my brother and not me, but I know she'll be out here to look at my place, I hates cleaning, but it's gotta be done so I don't have another strike against me.  Roommate better not be messing around in his room when she comes by.  It's gonna be a rough week.
Animarathon is this Saturday!  I've been waiting all year for it, oh I am sooooo excited.  I lied and told my mom I was helping a friend whose MCing the cosplay contest, so I couldn't see her that day.  No way am I missing 14 hours of glorious free anime and video game competitions and cool shit to buy.  And I'm hopefully not going to go spastically crazy on buying stuff like last year.
My sister called me, like just now, at 1am, to ask me if I remembered this one time we drove to New Jersey (dads got family there) and she had her license and she was helping with the driving of the van, and she asked to borrow a cd of mine since she didn't feel like listening to hers right then, and what band it was.  I told her the only cd of mine I could remember her borrowing for a car ride was Lifehouse (kind of lame I know, but Jason Wade has a good voice mmmmmm Jason Wade *drools*).  Then we started talking about Pocket Rockers - which were like the size of a camera, and had a little slot in the top for a little music cartridge and each cartridge had 2 songs on it (sometimes not even all of the song, I had a Bon Jovi one and it had 'You Give Love a Bad Name' and 'Wanted: Dead or Alive' and years later when I had my own license heard Wanted on the radio, I still remembered the words, only to discover that there was actually a good chunk of music left after the guitar solo fade out on my 'cassette').  Looking back they were crappy and lame as hell, but at the time we loved them.  The 2 of us had them and while she had the cooler songs, I had the speakers, because their own speaker was crap.  Back when we got along we both had a Tiffany one, and we would sing 'I think we're alone now' together.

I think I'm going to post a silly picture in each journal entry, because I have a lot of silly meme pictures and I want to use them for something.  This one makes me giggle so damn hard right now.


Okay, I'm done now.

I'm updating some of my stuff around here.  I redid my userpage, now I have like a realish bio and a pic, changed my page outlook, next I think I'll put my tag stuff in, though I'm not really sure what that is, looks like I'm making myself comfy here folks.
I saw 300 yesterday, and The Number 23 last week, both very good. #23 makes you think, but still kind of pulls a WTF? on ya, but I don't think Jim Carrey should take his shirt off, and have abs, it bothers me.   300 was full of ohs, ahs, and holy crap!s, is it wrong that I was sad when they killed the animals?  First time, I'm like 'PUPPY!! NOOO! . . . . vicious bloodthirsty snarly puppy that wants to eat him, but PUPPY! NOOOS!' then 'Elephantes, Nooooooooosss! oh you great big jerks you'.

Oh yeah, and I quit my job, my district manager was trying to steal my soul I tells ya!  But I got part of my tax return back, and I still have another paycheck from them coming in, I'll be good till at least beginning of June, got plenty o time to find a new job that won't try to kill me, and will actually be a reasonable distance away.  Look for jobs later, sleep first.
*collapses in a sleepy heep*

I got an email in my inbox on Saturday.  It was from Y!Gallery.  They said they had reviewed my case and that my account had been reinstated.  I was IM'ing Knives at the time when it popped up.  At first I thought 'This Forgiveness 2007 thing ended last week, they must be telling me to fuck off and die or something', but I was blessedly wrong.  It was only a few sentences, but I had to keep rereading it to make sure what I was seeing was true.  I believe my reaction was best put at this "SWEET BABY MAKING JESUS!  Y! JUST UNBANNED ME! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" then I actually left my computer to dash into my living room to tell all the news, having forgotten that there where 5 guys in my living room, none of them knew what Y! was, and that I was in a baby tee shirt and underwear.  I don't know which was worse, their reaction to seeing their friends girlfriend scantily clad in winter, or that she likes her yaoi.
After initial embarrassment and explanations had passed I went to go log into my account.  But it still said I was banned.  I thought maybe they hadn't fixed it yet or changed the password.  I gave them an email this morning to see what was up.  I wonder if I was still getting updates to journals and pictures while I was away?  If I was that's going to take a long time to go through for sure, but I will gladly take up the challenge.
The bf purchased WarioWare Smooth Moves for his Wii the other day.  It's interesting to say the least.  I've got mixed feelings about it myself.  The Wii requires activity, of the 3 games we have - Twilight Princess, Smooth Moves, and our free game of Wii Sports - the last two you have to stand up for.  Usually when I play videogames I don't want to be standing up and actually exercising, I play because I'm bored and lethargic.  Wii Sports has a daily fitness thing - you can only play it once a day, takes about 10 minutes, and you play 3 seperate games depending on what training you've completed.  I've only tried the baseball hitting one myself where you hit 30 balls pitched to you, so I either get that one, or the 3 default ones of of basic level bowling, tennis, or 10 hit baseball.  20 is the lowest age you can get in that game 80 the highest, I currently have a Wii age of 37.  According to the chart I have great balance, but my speed and stamina aren't so great, what a fat piece of crap I am.  I blame this mostly on the Wii Tennis what with its arm switching on me and ending the training session after the ball goes out once.  I hate you Wii Tennis, I hate you so much.
I've been doing so much yet doing so little at the same time.  I took up one of solargoths challenges at SF, work issues and another drawing ahead of it kept me from getting started on it right away, and I'm still slow with my GIMP usage so that took some time too.  Then I had two seperate ideas and couldn't decide which was better, so I actually did both. But I finished it 2 days ago, and after staring at it for so long, I don't really find it funny anymore, which makes me wonder if it ever was in the first place.  Which is why I haven't posted it yet.  I didn't work on What You Can't Have Back at all, as I have gotten into the joy that is RP'ing and working on a possible one shot fic at hallo's request.  While it's still very much a WIP, I think I've got most of the funny, I'm still very stuck on what I'm going to do when I reach the mansex,  god I'm such a passive uke. *head desk*

I haven't been feeling well lately at all.  Cakes moved in with her boyfriend and a friend of theirs.  AGAIN.  They moved out on her and left her alone in her apartment in August, and now she's moving in with them.  I don't know how I feel about her agreeing to go back out with that jerk after he dumped her and replaced her with a younger ugly whore in 3 days who cheated on him the day they were gonna pick up the engagement ring.  I don't understand how she can be so attached to someone who simply refuses to see things in a way other than his own.  But she does seem happier to be with him again, they're even talking about getting married down the road.  She doesn't make all that much money with her job, but she makes a great deal more than he does delivering pizzas, and he's actually proud of what he makes.  The two are a mismatched pair, he doesn't believe in saving up money just in case, while cakes has managed to set up a safety net for herself that might actually put her through college if she chooses to go back.  She can slightly cook, he can't figure out how the oven works and has managed to burn poptarts before.  I know it sounds like I hate him, I don't, I just think they're are better guys out there for her.  But they've known each other for almost 10 years and he's the only guy she's ever really loved, she could just never get into the whole getting to know someone from nothing aspect of dating after being with him so long, they know each others ins and outs and issues, and she just couldn't figure out how do to that with someone new.  And as soon as she starting seeing this one guy (who was also bad for her, since he was 4 years younger than her and a minor), he jumped in with his jealousy and wanted her back.  I can see the two of them breaking up and getting back together over and over again.
I have been writing my story, it's just hard for me to find the energy to do it.  I finally decided on what direction I want it to go in, the problem is writing it all down in the same manner as my great opening.  I know parts are gonna be dialogue heavy, which is gonna change it's feel.  I also need some major practice in drawing Nathan if I want to make it a picture story.  It's just hard to summon up the will to write or draw with my best friend moving off and my mom breathing down my neck more than usual.  I hate the holidays, I really do.

So Y!gallery has decided to suspend me until 2024 under the guise that I made an account to get around a ban. A ban that does not exist I might add. I was there what? Not even two months? I've emailed a moderator there, so hopefully I can get some kind of answer at to what the hell is up with them.
As soon as I post my first picture, boom, I'm suspened. Does it look like someone elses style? Do they think I stole it? Does it look like a style of someone who has been banned? I don't know, they didn't bother to tell me. How am I supposed to look at pretty yaoi now?